Suicide Prevention week has been a very insightful week and it's purpose is very important. There are so many wonderful groups that are dedicated to help spread the word about how many people are at risk each day and also how to get them the help they need. There is still so much stigma surrounding mental illness and this many times keeps people from getting help. I have personally worked with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
http://www.afsp.org/. I have joined one of their walks to raise money and it was something that has stuck with me. The majority of the people I walked with that day were mostly family and friends that had lost someone to suicide.
These walks put perspective and enlightenment to myself about how suicide affects the family and the friends that have lost someone to suicide. They walked for the family and friends they lost to bring awareness and raise funds to help others that are suicidal and prevent others from experiencing the pain and loss they felt. I believe their stories help me when I am to that point of suicidal thoughts to get help immediately. I have mentioned many times that I have a wonderful support system that gets me though those dark moments.
I have been treated for Bipolar Disorder for almost 25 years and I thought after I was placed on medicine that I would never have those feelings again. However just a year later and many times throughout my battle
to stay stable I have had many times of some very strong suicidal thoughts and a few suicide attempts. I will only tell you the one attempt that I was very close to actually ending my life. It was a time in my life that was probably the most stressful and dark times that I remember. I was married to an extremely abusive man and working at a highly stressful job. My medicine seemed to also be causing a lot of bad side effects as well. It was the perfect storm to push me into the darkness I was in that day. I took my cat's walking leash and tied it around my neck then took a bar stool and stood on it and secured the other end of the leash to the ceiling. As I was standing on the stool crying and about to kick the stool out from under my feet. Then my two cats came running into the room and were meowing non-stop almost saying please stop and it was those meows that woke me up a bit and I remember seeing a picture in my head of the pain I would cause my families and because of those almost crying meows I untied the leash and stepped off the stool. I then called for help. That is why having support for people in crisis is vital. Since that day I have had quite a few days of dark suicide thoughts that can be so overwhelming. Family support and having someone to talk to during that dark time has gotten me to my 40th birthday and I hope many more. While I do know that it probably won't be the last time I feel that way it is comforting to know how to get help.
That is why it is so important to bring awareness to a huge threat of suicide that kills too many each year. I know this year along I have heard too many stories of very young children committing suicide mostly due to bullying. So many people each year experience both clinical depression as well as environmental depression. There are so many misconceptions of those that commit suicide and I would like to clear that up. People do not kill themselves because they are selfish. seeking attention, or they are cowards. These were never a part of my suicide thoughts or how I was feeling. When you are suicidal your brain is not logical and you just want the incredible pain to stop. Those voices in my head were just so overwhelming I wanted it to just stop. In my case sometimes I felt like I was a burden to my family and I thought I would be doing them a favor. So I urge anyone that has mental illness or may have environmental depression to set up a support team and plan when and if it turns to those suicide thoughts or plans.
