Showing posts with label stigma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stigma. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A true Silver Lining

Award season in Hollywood is underway and it is something I have always enjoyed watching.  I love to go to movies because they are a great escape from everyday life.  However, this year has been unlike any other for me this season.  In the past I have been very sceptical of a movie that deals with mental illness.  Most of the time they write the stories through stereotypes and cause more harm than good.  So after the movie The Silver Linings Playbook was nominated for best picture I had to check it out for myself. 

I must say though after the movie I was really touched and moved and I thought they did a wonderful job of portraying mental illness in a true light.  Bradley Cooper did an amazing job playing a person with Bipolar Disorder and I can see why he has been nominated for best actor for The Academy Awards, The SAG Awards, and The Golden Globes to name just a few.  It was so refreshing to see how living with Bipolar Disorder really looks.  I loved the way how it did not just focus on the illness but focused on the family and friends dealing with it.  I have said many times that a great support system is very key to surviving with Bipolar Disorder.  I could relate so much to the story though mine is different.  One of the most touching scenes in the movie is when Robert De Niro's character sits on his son's bed and starts blaming himself and wondering what he could of done differently.  I can relate to this so much because both of my parents have at one time or another blamed them self for my illness.  Even after almost 25 years they still at times feel that way.  Of course the truth is that no one is to blame because is it something a person is born with from day one.  The best thing a friend or family member can do is to just try to be there for that person, try to understand it as best that they can and help them in their time of need. 

I really do not want to spoil the movie for anyone that has not had the pleasure to see this movie so I hope I have not given up too much already.  However, I do want to mention that Jennifer Lawrence did an amazing job playing opposite of Bradley Cooper.  The speech she gave at The SAG awards however is one of the most important things she has done for the understanding of mental illness and bringing more attention to mental illness.  She said something in her speech that I did not know but explains to me why the movie is done so realistically.   She, in her own words "thanked the Director David O. Russell for making the film for his son so that he wouldn't feel alone and so that he could feel understood... you've helped more than your son"  I was in tears when she said that because anyone with a mental illness just wants to feel understood. 

This of course led me to look up the story of the Director David O. Russell.   His son does have Bipolar Disorder and now I can see why the movie is so realistic because he has lived with it. I am currently reading the book from which this movie's screenplay was adapted from. It was written by Matthew Quick and when the late Sydney Pollack gave David O. Russell the novel several years ago he knew it was a great fit and a film he knew he wanted to make.  I can't thank him enough for bringing the right type of attention to this disorder and I think it helps more people truly understand what it is like to live with a mental illness or with someone that has one.  In an interview he said  and I quote, "I was looking for a story that I could tell that would reflect my older's son experience in the world, and make him feel like part of the world." This is wonderful because movies do need to be made that bring better understanding of mental illness and hopefully chip away just a little more of the stigma that goes with it. 

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Suicide prevention awareness is key

Suicide Prevention week has been a very insightful week and it's purpose is very important.  There are so many wonderful groups that are dedicated to help spread the word about how many people are at risk each day and also how to get them the help they need.  There is still so much stigma surrounding mental illness and this many times keeps people from getting help.  I have personally worked with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention http://www.afsp.org/.  I have joined one of their walks to raise money and it was something that has stuck with me.  The majority of the people I walked with that day were mostly family and friends that had lost someone to suicide.

These walks put perspective and enlightenment to myself about how suicide affects the family and the friends that have lost someone to suicide. They walked for the family and friends they lost to bring awareness and raise funds to help others that are suicidal and prevent others from experiencing the pain and loss they felt.  I believe their stories help me when I am to that point of suicidal thoughts to get help immediately.  I have mentioned many times that I have a wonderful support system that gets me though those dark moments.

I have been treated for Bipolar Disorder for almost 25 years and I thought after I was placed on medicine that I would never have those feelings again.  However just a year later and many times throughout my battle to stay stable I have had many times of some very strong suicidal thoughts and a few suicide attempts.  I will only tell you the one attempt  that I was very close to actually ending my life.  It was a time in my life that was probably the most stressful and dark times that I remember.  I was married to an extremely abusive man and working at a highly stressful job.  My medicine seemed to also be causing  a lot of bad side effects as well.  It was the perfect storm to push me into the darkness I was in that day.  I took my cat's walking leash and tied it around my neck then took a bar stool and stood on it and secured the other end of the leash to the ceiling.  As I was standing on the stool crying and about to kick the stool out from under my feet. Then my two cats came running into the room and were meowing non-stop almost saying please stop and it was those meows that woke me up a bit and I remember seeing a  picture in my head of the pain I would cause my families and because of those almost crying meows I untied the leash and stepped off the stool.  I then called for help.  That is why having support for people in crisis is vital.  Since that day I have had quite a few days of dark suicide thoughts that can be so overwhelming.  Family support and having someone to talk to during that dark time has gotten me to my 40th birthday and I hope many more.  While I do know that it probably won't be the last time I feel that way it is comforting to know how to get help.

That is why it is so important to bring awareness to a huge threat of suicide that kills too many each year.  I know this year along I have heard too many stories of very young children committing suicide mostly due to bullying.   So many people each year experience both clinical depression as well as environmental depression.  There are so many misconceptions of those that commit suicide and I would like to clear that up.  People do not kill themselves because they are selfish. seeking attention, or they are cowards.   These were never a part of my suicide thoughts or how I was feeling.  When you are suicidal your brain is not logical and you just want the incredible pain to stop.  Those voices in my head  were just so overwhelming I wanted it to just stop.   In my case sometimes I felt like I was a burden to my family and I thought I would be doing them a favor.  So I  urge anyone that has mental illness or may have environmental depression to set up a support team and plan when and if it turns to those suicide thoughts or plans.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

The face of mental illness

What does the face of mental illness look like?  Look at these pictures and see if you can tell which person has the mental illness.















You probably can't decide who has a mental illness because they all look like someone you know or not like the stereotype that society has portrayed for years.  They could be your best friend, they could be your next-door neighbor and even a family member.  The point is that you can't see mental illness so let's stop treating everybody differently when we find out they have a mental illness.




According to movies, society and the media, mental illness looks something like this.




These images are both false and do not represent the average person with mental illness.  In the news recently there have been talks of the shooter in Colorado that may have a mental illness and even if he does his actions are very rare and an extreme case.  I know he has hurt so many and it breaks my heart.  I go the movie theater quite often and had planned to see that very movie the next night.    I have no idea if he has a mental illness and that is not for me to decide or for anyone else to at this point unless they are part of judicial system.   I do not really want to talk about him other than because of what he did a lot of people are getting the wrong idea about mental illness.   The majority of people that live with mental illness will never harm another person on the planet.  People with mental illness actually are more prone to kill themselves than anybody else.  Everyone needs to know that mental illness is a chemical imbalance in the brain and the person was born with it and it is not their fault.   It is not easy living with a mental illness and it takes daily work to stay stable.  The majority of us try everything we can to stay as healthy as possible.  There is treatment out there however but medicine and therapy do not always work one hundred percent of the time.  

I heard on a show the other night that it is the responsibility of the person with mental illness to be in charge of their care.  While I agree with that to a point. I know even when I take my medicine as prescribed I may still go into a manic or depressed state and my reality is not logical and I will not listen to reason.  That is why I have a support system in place when my logic and reason do not make sense.   I have never been dangerous to anyone other than myself.   Medicine tends to stop working even when you take them from time to time.  That's why it's so important to have some type of support in your life.  You need someone out there that when you get to that point that you're out on the ledge that can pull you back in from the darkness. I have spoken to many people with mental illness and some family members are not that supportive and neither are their friends.  That's why I urge anyone living with a mental illness to seek out some type of support online or in your local town.   It really does help to have someone to talk to that knows what you're really going through and can help you get through those rough days.  I wish everyone would quit judging people with a mental illness and stop automatically assuming that we are dangerous and someone to fear.  I know most people were extremely shocked and surprised when I told them I had a mental illness.  Treating mental illness is no different than treating any other health problems.  It is something that you were born with and it is no ones fault.  It can just be a bit tougher to get the medications at the right level.   Just this past week I got really depressed out of no where and it was my support team that got me back on track.


Now look at these pictures and tell me which one has a mental illness. 



                                        



These celebrities Demi Lovato and Catherine Zeta-Jones had no signs in their public life and by looking at them you would never know they had a mental illness.  They are both very talented women and they both have been so open about having Bipolar Disorder.   So today let's change the face of mental illness.  The majority of people that live with a mental illness look just like people in the crowd and not someone that has dyed orange hair and destroys lives.   That is why it is so important that we fight the stigma associated with mental illness even when something as tragic as what happened in Colorado, Arizona, and at Virginia Tech.  As I mentioned these were all extreme cases and for most of them someone saw warning signs of problems and failed to step in and pull them off that ledge.    There also needs to be a change in health care that would cover more people's mental health treatment.  I know it still upsets me that even though I have great insurance that it does not cover as much for my treatment of Bipolar Disorder as it does for my arthritis treatments.   I do not see the difference and it is time that insurance companies stop treating them differently as well.  I know so many that have mental illness that cannot afford treatment.  So if you are reading this, try to think of ways you can help out someone with a mental illness, help change health care, and fight the stigma associated with mental illness.  The more we stand united the better chance we have to succeed.  

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Don't Ask, Don't Tell





I heard the words today Don't Ask, Don't tell today on a news program and I started thinking about sometimes I feel that way about having bipolar disorder.  I have gone through many phases of being transparent about my illness and I am still not sure where I stand with it.  While I sit here and write a blog about informing others about this illness and fighting stigma, I sometimes feel like a hypocrite.  I still find it very hard to tell others that I meet or have been in my life for years that I do in fact have bipolar disorder.  My journey of deciding on whether or not to disclose my illness started soon after I was diagnosed.  I remember feeling so free and feeling some relief of finding out what was "wrong" with me.  I went back to my high school and I told many people and it turns out it freaked out most people and others just didn't know how to react to the news.  I had a lot of friends that turned their back on me because honestly they did not want to be around it.  It was almost like it was contagious and they did not want to get it.  I did have a select few that stuck by me and never treated me differently.  At that time I was still very young and I thought once I went to college things might be different.  Well things did not change there either and sometimes I think it was worse.  I was in a sorority and I told one of my dear friends about it in confidence I thought but turns out she told a lot of people and after that things were never the same.  People just treat you differently after they find out you have it. 

Soon after this I became quite the actress and no one around me knew that I had Bipolar Disorder and most to this day tell me they would never think I did have it.  I soon moved to Atlanta after college with a fresh start of no one knowing about my "secret".  Well this worked out great for the first two years.  After two years of working at that company things changed drastically.  The company was being sold to a bigger company and everyone was afraid of losing their jobs.  I know the stress took it's toll on me.  I was getting very little sleep and barely eating anything.  This just is the perfect storm to have a manic attack.  I did fairly well for awhile but I made the huge mistake of telling a close co-worker who was the Vice President at the time that I had the disorder and I needed some support during this time.  Well turns out the next day she ran to the CEO and told her about me after she told me I could trust her and she would tell no one.  I think she was trying to get me fired because every one's job was on the line at that time.  However the very cool thing about that potential ugly situation was that the CEO actually had bipolar disorder and she totally understood.   I never knew she had it either.  That just proves you never know who around you has a mental illness.  She gave me a week off and gave me the name of her psychiatrist.  Turns out I was one of the few people the new company kept and that vice president was fired.   After I returned to work, things were a little weird at first but when I met the management of the new company and the workers they were great to me.  Granted none of them knew either and never found out.  I worked there for another six months or so but I was really missing my home and had lost a lot of my support.  The company even offered me 3 months off to go home with pay to reconsider to come back at the end of summer but I knew my time there had come to an end and I did not feel right taking the money when I knew I was never going to return.  It still made me feel good about myself though because they did not want to lose me.  They never found out I had a mental illness though and I think I was glad about that at the time.   I left Atlanta and moved back to a city near my hometown.  I thought being closer to my family would help me stay stable.  Turns out it was the right thing to do because my Mom can come over quickly to help me if I am having a bad episode.   


So I started a new job and everything was bright and shiny again.  I made new friends and had some great co-workers.  I went almost a year with little trouble but I was handed a former employees work load in addition to my own and I got overwhelmed.  They never replaced her and I took on two jobs at this time.  I have always had this bad habit of never being able to say no.   Finally things got so bad and I could feel myself going into a depressive state and feeling suicidal.   I finally went to my boss and told her I would probably have to quit due to the added stress and how is was affecting my mental health.  She told me to take the day off and we would discuss it the next day.  Well she is probably the best employer I ever had.  She had never heard of bipolar disorder but she spent that night researching it and that was amazing.  She fixed my work load and allowed me to work from home on my more difficult days.  She never told anyone else in the company of over 300 people and to this day I will never forget that.  However she retired and things changed and I no longer had her protection and the new boss was very harsh and had no room for this.  So I decided to leave a company that I dearly loved because they just could not accept that I had a mental illness.   I once again looked for a fresh start.  I never found one again of course.  I had other jobs but the other bosses were not that understanding or really did not care.  So I have have mixed responses in the work environment.  My feeling now even though I no longer work is to not tell unless it is necessary for your own mental health.  They are not allowed to ask you by law on most careers.  There are a few exceptions but the accounting field is not one of them.    I know some companies do not always follow this or they pressure you to  think you have to tell them.  Make sure you know your rights if you are working with a mental illness. Here is a link that might be helpful. http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Helpline1&template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=47065

I have lost friends, dates, boyfriends and a career after people found out that I had a mental illness.  There are only a very small group of people that know in my life and they are mostly family.  My husband's response to finding out about my illness was a shocking one.  He really did not see my mental illness he saw me and loved me for the real me.  Even now after almost three years of marriage he does not see my illness he sees me.  He is my rock and helps keep me stable and really tries to be there for me.  It was even tough to tell people in my old church.  They found out when I was in the hospital for depression and they didn't know what to say, send flowers. call me or even send a card.  However when I had a hysterectomy they sent so much stuff and I had so many visitors.  The funny thing is I really did not need them then and I was fine other then some recovery and minor pain.  I needed them the most when I was suicidal.  They however were no where to be found and they never treated me the same after that.  I left that church of course and I am still having problems finding one.  I feel a lot of people in church just do not know how to handle mental illness or want to deal with it.  I think I was even told once that I had a spiritual weakness and it was just all in my head and it would go away if I was more faithful.  My social anxiety also dampers my ability to meet new people and a new church can be overwhelming.  However my faith in God is strong and I know he knows how I feel and that is truly all that really matters. 

So at the end of this blog I guess I am still a great actress to those that do not know and free around those that do know.  I do not even use my first name on this blog but my middle name because most do not know it and I still have the fear of everyone around me finding out and I am not ready for that at this time.  I was not even going to put my picture on here but I thought well that is a start.  I wanted readers to see my face and be able to relate to it and and know that it comes from my heart.  I think it also shows another face with bipolar disorder and it's not your predictable stereotype everyone has about the illness.  The media of course loves to show the most extreme cases that end in tragedy.  The majority of people with bipolar disorder are more likely to harm themselves rather than others.  The media leaves that out because it does not sell.   I get so tired of having to keep such a huge secret about my life and I tell very few people that I am on SSDI.  I do encourage everyone though that thinks they might have a mental illness to go tell a professional and get help.  Those are the people you need to be honest with to get the help you need.  They are legally bound not to disclose your information unless you request it so that is a good thing to know and it builds trust.   I guess I still have not answered my question and still ponder on the thought is it better to tell or not tell.  What do you think?

Friday, May 18, 2012

We have come so far.. but have many miles to go

I was thinking yesterday while I was reading many of the stories from blogging for mental health day at http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/mental-health-month-blog-party-2012-round-up/ that we have a come quite a long way in understanding mental illness but there are so many more things we need to do to fight the stigma associated with mental illness.  There seems to be so many news articles in the media that show mental illness in such a bad light and I wished we could get more of a positive message out there to the media that it's treatable and it is nothing to fear.


I was reading an article yesterday about how the family of Mary Richardson Kennedy were very upset on the way the news media were reporting her death.http://tv.yahoo.com/news/mary-kennedys-family-clears-her-image-222700557.html  I can't say that I blame them either.  Why is that when someone takes their own life that the media floods the airways of negativity about that person's life in the few months leading up to the death or sometimes just a few hours before their death.  They also go after their character if they had any bad decisions in their life.   They never seem to focus on  the positive aspects of their life and most will never know anything more about their life other than the way it ended.

I know I had a good friend a few years back that killed himself and all anyone could talk about was the day of his death. No one wanted to talk about what a great guy he was or how much he impacted their lives.  How creative, intelligent and funny he was in his life.  All anyone wanted to talk about was his suicide and criticize him.  I guess unless you have never been in that dark moment that you want to take your life that you cannot relate and just judge them.  I have heard so many people say how selfish those people are or what a coward they were for taking their own life.  I know once in the hospital when I was having suicidal thoughts that one therapist tried to tell me that I was seeking attention.  All of these things could not be further from the truth.  The pain you feel is so dark and deep all you can think of is how much you want to end the pain.  You feel worthless and you even feel your friends and family would be better off if you were not there to bring them down and be a burden.  I know these feelings and I have always had support to get through it.  If you do feel alone there are many places to reach out to but the group I think that does it the best is http://www.afsp.org/

I also find it ironic that the media loves to leave out the stories of mental illness that need to be told.  I was reading the very sad story about the beating of Kelly Thomas by police officers and then he died as a result.  This was the first time I have heard of this case and it happened a year ago.  Kelly Thomas had schizophrenia and was homeless at the time.  I will not go into the details of his beating nor show the upsetting video but I will leave you with a link to his story if you want to know more about his story at  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Kelly_Thomas  I  praise his father, Ron Thomas for fighting for his son and getting his story out there.  We should all take a note here and keep fighting the stigma for our loved ones with mental illness and for our own rights.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Fight for your right to be healthy and stable

This weekend was a difficult one for me. I was starting to feel very depressed, hopeless, and alone.
I am fortunate though because I have a strong support system filled with people that truly can help me get back on track. Some people may not have all the resources that I have and need the help and funding from governmental programs so that they can live a fairly stable life. Then today my husband showed me an article that was very hard for me to believe. I couldn't believe that someone that is a Representative of our government could think such barbaric thoughts and be so insensitive to people with mental illness. As per the Huffington post article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/10/martin-harty-suggests-sen_n_834316.html the NH representative said that people who have mental illness are defective and should be shipped off to Siberia. He did resign this position today but it did just show me how far we have to go to educate more people about mental illness and that there is treatment for it and why these programs are needed.  I encourage anyone that is reading this to contact your local representatives and senators and have them fight for mental health programs and not to cut programs in your state. It is crucial for people with mental illness to have access to good health care with doctor visits and be able to afford their medications. If we stop the funding for these programs I am afraid there will be more people that might become homeless or commit suicide because they do not have the access to these needed programs.

I guess I found myself in a depressed state after the personal attack to my illness, but after reading the above article I was inspired to fight even harder and to help educate even more people about the truth of bipolar disorder. It is a hard disease to live with and it takes a lot of effort to live a fairly stable life, but it treatable. This is why it is so important for anyone that lives with bipolar disorder or knows someone that does to speak out and let our government know that mental health programs are important and very needed in our society for someone to survive with bipolar disorder.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Fighting the stigma of Bipolar Disorder

I was reading another one of my blogs today that I follow at http://geneanderson.blogspot.com/ and he brought up an excellent point on how some people out there want to say that Bipolar Disorder is an addiction.  He has a great blog on the reasons it is not an addiction.   I am a strong advocate of fighting stigma associated with bipolar disorder.  The media is notorious for jumping on the band wagon of misconceptions about this disorder.  I don't even understand how some people could say that bipolar disorder is an addiction.  For starters it is a genetic condition that the person is born with and there is nothing that caused this other then being born.  I will agree that self medicating can lead to an addiction but bipolar disorder is not an addiction.  This just shows that there are so many people out there that have no idea what the illness really is and what it is not.  I have channeled my disdain for these misconceptions and partnered with NAMI at http://www.nami.org/ and joined their stigma alerts.  I have found new empowerment by writer to Senators, and Representatives as well as people in the media.  I would encourage anyone that wants to fight this stigma to join the stigma busters and educate the world that Bipolar Disorder is just and illness and it is treatable. To take action go to http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=fight_stigma and sign up to educate and stop these misconceptions about bipolar disorder.